At one point in my recent past, I was wondering who could want me? Why would anyone even take a second look? But something happened. I havn't figured out what yet, but something.

Now instead of everyone running from me they are running to me. On one hand, my most recent ex, Jody, misses me. I really like this guy. He's good with my son and they adore each other. That's very important to me. I miss hanging out with him and I miss when he's sweet to me, but it seemed like more and more often, the sweetness was left at home. I felt like he wanted to be around me less and less, so I gave up on the relationship altogether. So now he calls me. He misses me. He cares a lot about me. I'm relieved. This is what I wanted. When he broke up with me I told myself I would not talk to him. I wlould make him miss me. It worked. I have arranged for me to be able to get him on Thursday so we can talk. I don't think it will get far, but at least I have a friend back. At the very least.

Then there's this guy. Stephen. He's SO sweet and is willing to help me get a phone so I'm not missing class and not having to use my mom's phone. He wants to do things for me and Dylan didn't hate him. I just don't know if I want Dylan to be around a guy that is 5'9" and 350lbs. To me, that's promoting obesity. I want Dylan to see that it is good to take care of yourself and stay healthy and eat healthfuly. I'm going to continue hanging out with him because he is a lot of fun and I can act like myself around him. Let's face it: I'm a kid at heart. He brings out that side of me even more. That's cool to me. Weighing the options... I just think he's a better friend than anything else. For Dylan's sake.

And finally... Casey. I talked about this the other day. He seems to really mean it this time. He wants to move here! I have been dreaming about this day for years! Yesterday I let him know that everything we have been talking about has really got my hopes up. I also told him that it's a good thing.. so long as he doesn't let them down. Again. He said he's not gonna, so I'm taking that as a definite. I'm going to do my best to control my excitement on this. He's my soul mate. At the same, I wanna scream it from the rooftops.

So what am I going to do? I'm going to be Jody's friend. I'm going to wait it out for Casey. I'm going to spend time with Stephen. I'm not committing to anyone just yet. I like having options. I like having people to hang out with. Is that so bad?

I love my son. He is everything to me and everything I do is ultimately for his well being. He is the light to all of my days. Everything he does is adorable to some degree. Even when he eats paper. "Eats paper?" you say? Yes. He loves to eat paper. Anything from my homework to my receipts.. You'd think he was a billy goat!

It is absolutely adorable, but I have to wonder if this is a problem. I have heard of people that actually eat paper more than food. I don't want Dylan to be like that. It's scary. What can I do to get him to lay off the paper and start eating the food that I am putting in his mouth?